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All You Ever Wanted To Know About Dating Japanese Men
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I often hear girls who long for Asian boyfriends say that Western guys are dogs, and I can confidently say that Asian men are no different. Just like with any place you go, you have your good guys and your bad guys.
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Zia, I think we can all agree with that! These are the types of guys I feel we foreign girls encounter most. Amongst them, the good guys are hidden! Those that stand true to who they are seem to be the ones who find solid relationships. For a long while, after the loss of someone I planned on spending my entire life with, I gave in to that stereotype and was unable to get involved in a serious relationship.
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Zia is pointing out a few problems in her current relationship due to cultural differences: We come across a lot of problems. What we consider common sense is very different. Jen has dated a couple of Japanese guys and is now married to one. She has experienced issues in her relationship because of cultural differences: This applied more in Japan than when we were in England, although now he seems completely okay with it.
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Very touchy feely Japanese couples are definitely NOT the norm. My first Japanese boyfriend would go for weeks without contacting me because he was working late every day. Also, a general lack of e-mailing, phone calls etc. In the previous article we were already discussing the language issue that cross-cultural couples might have. My husband and I have a system where we swap languages every day — so today is an English day, and tomorrow is Japanese. Obviously we change it according to the circumstances we are not going to speak in English to each other when out with a lot of Japanese friends!
I think this is an important thing to sort out! Jen and her husband on vacation in Korea.
If you are single like me, you probably wonder about how to approach a Japanese man. There is a good chance that he will like you too, and just not have imagined that you could possibly be interested in him. A lot of Japanese men seem to have an inferiority complex many of my Japanese male friends have told me this , so they might not imagine that any non-Japanese woman would ever be interested in them.
So if you like someone, go for it! River is a young American who has dated a few Japanese guys before marrying one of them. About her first Japanese boyfriend she says: At first I was happy about this, because I wanted to speak Japanese.
However, the deeper things went, the more difficult it was to understand each other. After dating a few Japanese guys she finally met her husband. They seem to have issues caused by cultural differences, but they were able to overcome some of them: We only spoke in Japanese with each other for a short time before he started to learn English, so he could communicate with me better.
I found the following statement interesting, because I heard a lot of Western girls with Japanese boyfriends or husbands saying the exact same thing: Alyse, a young American woman married to a Japanese man, notices the following cultural differences that sometimes cause problems in her relationship: And from these differences, the biggest one would be language. So for that part, a significant amount of patience might be necessary. The language barrier seems to be a real issue even when you try hard to understand each other.
However, Alyse mentions other problems as well: We knew that we would both be working, but when we first got married, Shota was under the impression that I would be making him lunch every morning, doing his laundry, and just taking care of the house as well as going to work full-time. Just like River, Alyse also notices cultural differences when it comes to responsibilities in the household. The relationship between the mother-in-law and wife can be tenuous at best, and disastrous at its worse.
1. Dating is not the same for foreign women and men!
I also asked Alyse if she has any advice for us single girls when it comes to dating Japanese men: Landing a guy who is serious about dating you, and understanding when he is serious, might be a bit harder to do. Claudia is a fellow German woman , but unlike me she met a Japanese guy in her younger days and got married already: I had not dated terribly much before. There had been two relationships that lasted for a while — with a Japanese guy and with a Korean guy. We met through friends of friends.
At the first meeting we exchanged mail addresses, met up a few times after that and at some point it just happened. Then, I had to leave the country simple reason: Thus, little annoyances turn into huge problems. He also says that, as soon as Japanese women have babies, they turn into mothers , with not hint of the awesome wife you had before, destroying romance and attraction.
Claudia mentions issues, but also continuous efforts in her relationship that are necessary because of cultural differences: As most Japanese people, he is hugely interested in food and works too much. According to Claudia the biggest difference between dating a Western man and dating a Japanese one is: Fortunately he has gotten used to it, but he will not hold my hand in front of his parents unless I initiate it. Kissing is still extremely embarrassing for him, and so the physical part of the relationship happens at home.
At first, this sudden change in affection as soon as the door closed behind us was weird, but now I actually like it. Another difference she has found between Japanese and German Western men is the following: Oh, and Germany has a ridiculously good reputation in Japan. At least not a lot. He does not expect me to keep the house extremely clean or to cook every day.
Not only does my husband not make a fuss, he actually helps with the household when he has the time. Ask to meet their friends.